And when God had created light, and sets, and props, and costumes, and the like, God rested, and this sabbath day he named the Cast Party. And the Cast Party was good. But on the morning following this said sabbath, the Lord did rise with pain of head and nausea of stomach, and God did go forth into the lighting booth to take unto himself some Pain-Aid and Pepto from the first-aid kit. And because the Lord had not yet drunk of his heavenly goblet of black coffee, he thought, "I shall make a creature in my likeness, and in the likeness of the Techies, who are already in my likeness, and all shall bring me glory." And God took a handful of Pain-Aid and Pepto and created a being in his likeness, and the likeness of the Techies, wearing many tools and garments of only black. And God saw that his creation was good, and firm of joint, and could see in the dark.

And the Techies did party, and build the new creature a beautiful set in which to dwell, with perfect sight lines, a lowering grid, a turntable, three scrims, showers in the back, and gelchangers in the lights. And God said, "My child, I name thee Bill. Go forth and play, Bill." Bill did go forth and play, and henceforward a being running forth like a child on a set would be called a Play. And God said only, "Run, play, and be fruitful; live in great peace on this beautiful set which my Techies have created. Only heed one warning: thou shalt not play pridefully in the vision of anyone, with the exception of the Techies, who are always watching and well should be."

Bill did play for many nights alone with no one but the Techies for company, and was content. But each time God did fade the sunset special from the western side of the theater, Bill's heart cried more and more in torment. And Bill wept to God, "Lord God who hath created me, who hath clothed me and fed me and taught me the holy ways of wrenches and circuits and hath not troubled me to climb any really tall ladders, Lord God, I am lonely and need another like myself." And the Lord was moved to pity. So he took a pipe wrench and smote Bill upside the head, then clipped a lock of his flaxen hair with a utility knife. He mixed this with some sawdust and two measures of joint compound. And God did stir. He stirred until the grid did quake and the heavens flickered. Thus was created another being in the likeness of Bill, but suave of build and of hair as blonde as the morn. God said to Bill, "My son, I offer you the great honor of bestowing this fine creature a name." "I name him Steve," Bill replied with stars in his eyes.

Thusly became Bill and Steve playmates, and there was much frolic and rejoicing on the set. And God saw that they were good, and was not moved to concern. But Bill and Steve grew fond of their games of charades, and were less and less satisfied with the clear, alert gaze of the Techies. "I want not to be gazed upon merely for my light cues," cried out Bill in great distress. "Ah, and I am such a handsome devil," sighed Steve, admiring his reflection in the lid of a paint can. "What a pity that such beauty should go unappreciated!" And God did shake his great head and chuckle, unconvinced that any of his children should go astray.

One night, when the R78's glowed softly in the fresnels, Steve was stirred to waking by a strange noise. He noticed a shadowy figure standing before him. "Speak, and proclaim thyself!" Steve insisted, leaping to his feet and grabbing a piece of stage artillery from the nearby prop table. "Fear me not," proclaimed the specter. "I am none but a weary traveler, and I have journeyed from afar merely to perceive thy beauty and talent." "You're kidding," quoth Steve, dropping his sword. "Ah, indeed," the figure did continue, "far and wide hath the news spread of thy ability to behave in the likeness of characters other than thyself." Steve replied, "And I thought it was simple schizophrenia!" with some relief. And the figure did pull forth a business card, and when Steve did inquire as to what meant the strange word "agent," the figure replied that he was none but a human being who appreciated a good performance and liked to see other people appreciate it, too. For a small fee, of course.

Steve did act for the agent, and tap dance, and sing, paying no heed to the word of God. The agent brought in some of his family, then friends, and Steve awoke Bill to play a jazzed-up duet of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" fit to make Patti weep. And the Techies did follow Bill and Steve with large round lights, and adjust the sound as necessary, for they understood the word of God and were bound by their God-betrothed duty. The audience did pound their palms together in applause like unto thunder, standing and whistling and shouting for an encore. God was thus awakened from his slumber.

Bill and Steve were aware of the coming wrath of God, and they ran and hid. God sent forth all the Techies to find them.When the Techies did return, they had retrieved not only Bill and Steve but armloads of 8x10 headshots from the lobby and empty bottles of mineral water from the green room. Bill and Steve did cower before God. And God said: Henceforward shalt thou be called "actor," And all thy descendants "actor" as well. Thou shalt wear colorful clothes, And be stripped of the holy knowledge of the Techie. May you marry many times without success. May the tabloids exploit you. May you die lonely deaths in hotel rooms in Vegas, For thou hast fallen from grace. Bill and Steve wept and cried out for redemption, but it was to no avail, for they had sinned in the eyes of God. 44 And their garments became colorful, and sewn with sequins, and uncomfortable, and their faces coated in pancake makeup. And they did forget all that they were taught about being a good Techie, and needed to be spoken to in small words, and could not see even glo-tape in the dark. And the Techies prevailed.

CBC (5.14.95)
Carrie Capizzano