This is an archive of a site from 1998 (originally hosted at http://www.nic.com/~porkchop/)
These pages predate modern HTML/CSS and are most definitely NOT valid anything
some browsers may not cope well but I felt the content was worth preserving :)
If you have any feedback contact me. Please note I am not the original author of any of this content.

Dave Jensen <djensen@claven.idbsu.edu>, Morrison Center for the Performing Arts
<http://www.idbsu.edu/mcfpa/mcmh.html>
  • Producer:
  • Leaps Tall Buildings In A Single Bound
  • Is More Powerful Than A Locomotive
  • Is Faster Than A Speeding Bullet
  • Walks On Water
  • Gives Policy To God
  • Director:
  • Leaps Short Buildings In A Single Bound
  • Is More Powerful Than A Switch Engine
  • Is Just As Fast As A Speeding Bullet
  • Walks On Water If The Sea Is Calm
  • Talks With God
  • Playwright:
  • Leaps Short Buildings With A Running Start
  • Is Almost As Powerful As A Switch Engine
  • Is Faster Than A Speeding BB
  • Swims Well
  • Is Occasionally Addressed By God
  • Actor:
  • Makes High Marks On The Wall When Trying To Leap Buildings
  • Is Run Over By Locomotives
  • Can Sometimes Handle A Gun Without Inflicting Self-Injury
  • Dog Paddles
  • Talks To Animals
  • Technicians:
  • Runs Into Buildings
  • Recognizes Locomotives Two Out Of Three Times
  • Is Not Issued Ammunition
  • Can Stay Afloat With A Life Preserver
  • Talks To Walls
  • Chorus:
  • Falls Over Doorsteps When Trying To Enter Buildings
  • Says, "Look At The Choo-Choo!"
  • Wets Self With A Water Pistol
  • Plays In Mud Puddles
  • Mumbles To Self
  • Stage Manager:
  • Lifts Buildings And Walks Under Them
  • Kicks Locomotives Off The Track
  • Catches Speeding Bullets In Teeth And Eats Them
  • Freezes Water With A Single Glance
  • Is GOD

    • Originally from OnStage! at http://www.nic.com/~porkchop/ - Mirrored at http://rmlx.co.uk/onstagehumour